


Numb

by Ononymous



Series: Christmas 2019 Stories and Requests [7]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:07:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22056031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ononymous/pseuds/Ononymous
Summary: When you suffer a lot of hardship and misfortune, even if much of it is by your own hand, it can feel like too much to bear. It's dangerous to just try and stop baring it though. When Asriel reaches this point right before Christmas, Frisk is determined that he Don't Forget that they are with him, no matter how dark.
Relationships: Asriel Dreemurr & Frisk
Series: Christmas 2019 Stories and Requests [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580731
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Numb

The weather was the same. It had been holding steady for roughly a week now. Featureless grey clouds completely blotting the sky that threatened rain or snow, but never followed through. For getting around this was no problem, as the last snowfall had long been cleared from streets and roads, though it still clung to roofs and lawns. It was obviously winter, but winter was only contributing the minimum to the spirit of the season. The residents of the town under the clouds' cloistering embrace were putting a lot more effort into it. For the most part. Like in a kitchen where two vaguely goatish monsters were busy preparing for the holidays.

"Can you bring me the eggs, my child?"

"Sure thing, Mom."

Asriel opened the fridge and grabbed the carton from the inner shelf, walked across the kitchen and put it on the counter. The large furry hand of his mother took two of the eggs and cracked them in the same lone hand into the bowl, a trick that she had perfected centuries ago. Asriel watched her stir the mixture for a while.

"Hmm, a little too thick," Toriel concluded. "I am sorry, but can you bring the milk back to me?"

She missed a small grunt of annoyance her son gave, and only saw his compliance. With the pastry's internal viscosity soon stabilised, she felt confident enough to start rolling it out on the counter. Her son continued to watch. Not particularly engrossed, but not bored either.

"Can you take the filling off the heat, Asriel?"

"Okay." He waved his own furry hand, and the flame beneath a steaming saucepan vanished. Despite its exposure to flame it remained much cooler than its contents, so he was able to pick it up and carry it over to the pastry operation, where the pie tin was being carefully lined. Toriel took a deep sniff.

"Perfect," she said, "now to bring it all together..."

Picking up the saucepan, she let the mixture of butterscotch and cinnamon trickle into its new home, using a spoon to retrieve the rest of it. With it as empty as she could get it, she deposited it in the sink and used a butter knife to smooth out the top, before lowering the top lid onto the construction project.

"And we are ready for final baking! My child, would you like to warm up the oven?"

"Me?" His surprise quickly faded. "Sure..."

Returning to where he'd retrieved the saucepan, he opened the stone cold oven door, and held out his hand. His face screwed in concentration as he produced an orange glow from his hand, and a blast of warm air erupted in his face, briefly blowing his floppy ears behind him. Toriel arrived with the pie to inspect his handiwork.

"Hmm, needs a little more power," she said. Raising her own hand, the warmth from the oven intensified, and she slid the dish in, where two other pies stood ready to bake. "Still, your control is quite good, Asriel. I am proud of you."

"Oh," he said, smiling a little. "Thanks, Mom."

"That should tide us over until after Boxing Day. Well, unless we get unexpected visitors. That would butter- _scotch_ my plans entirely. Hee hee hee!"

Toriel's giggles flew solo. Asriel didn't join her in appreciating the pun, but he didn't complain about it either. His indifference steered her to attention.

"Son, is everything alright?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. What do you mean?"

"Well, you just seem a little... flat. Not like yourself."

He took a moment to respond, and his words sounded carefully chosen. "Oh, I just... I just had dreams last night."

"Oh..." she clutched her chest in sympathy. They were well past needing to go into the details when he mentioned dreams. "I am so sorry, Asriel. I cannot imagine how you can bear it."

"'sokay, I guess. I'm coping."

"I am glad to hear it." She tussled his fur. "Thank you so much for your help. I can get Frisk to help me when these are ready."

"No problem." He walked out of the kitchen.

* * *

"...Bearnard, one bottle of MTT™ Whiskey..."

Asriel reached towards the highest shelf in the garage. "Here, Dad."

"Good." Asgore added a tick to the list. "Valery, a signed copy of _N'Ice 'n' Easy: Desserts and Drinks To Cool The Hottest Heads_."

Asriel looked over the tall stack of books, located the one he needed and carefully pulled it out. "Here."

"Wonderful. And lastly, Dohj, Olympic Level Frisbee and Squeaky Bone."

The bright yellow disc zoomed into his waiting hand. But no squeak followed it. "I think you've run out, Dad."

"You think so?" Asgore got up from his desk and over to the sack his son was checking. Sure enough, it was empty. "A good catch, Asriel, the dogs have been harsh on them this year. I should still have time to buy some extras." He pulled out a short shopping list from his pocket and added "Squeaky bones" to it, then exhaled happily. "I'm so glad I double checked before going out tonight. Thank you so much for helping me."

"No problem," said Asriel. "Hey, what's that on your beard?"

"Hmm?" Asgore looked down to see a small box resting on his belly. As he picked it up, he grunted in pain as a tuft of gold was yanked from his chin. "Oh, it's young Snowy's present. I must have left some tape sticking up." He glanced in a mirror. "I'd better comb this gap over, huh Son?"

There was a smirk, but no giggles. Asgore actually poked a clawed finger into his ear to check it wasn't blocked, and when he was satisfied it was clear looked around.

"Asriel, are you alright?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're coming off a little... withdrawn. I mean when I make a private fool of myself I'm rather used to you rolling on the floor. Or trying not to, at least."

"Oh. I've just been having dreams for a couple of nights."

"Ah." He tussled his fur in understanding. "Do you need me for anything?"

"No thanks. I'm coping."

Asgore nodded in approval. "Well I think that's all I'm going to ask of you today. I'm sure Undyne can help me carry some of this if I don't tell her what it is. Go along and get in the mood for tomorrow."

"No problem." He stepped out of the garage beneath the blank sky.

* * *

Asriel lay on his bed a few hours later, ears arrayed higgledy piggledy, a comic half-read rising and falling on his chest. Had the sun set yet? It was hard to tell, but the grey had steadily darkened to black, and without any contact with the sky it felt like the Underground again. He'd often wondered about the sun back then too. Back then. Careful, don't drift too far... there we go. The cloud cover might have settled on him as the blanket he currently lay on top of.

Knock knock. "Hey, Asriel."

"Howdy, Frisk." He didn't look over at them.

Grey eyes overlooked the scene. "All set for tomorrow?"

"Yup." Frisk didn't move. "What, do humans not know about 'yup'? It means 'yes'."

"I know yup," said Frisk, "I also know lies."

"Hmm?" Asriel tilted his head towards Frisk, seeing their blue and purple pyjamas. "When'd you pick that up?"

"When I tried to catch a friendliness pellet."

"...ah." Asriel sat upright. "What's wrong, Frisk?"

"I could ask you the same thing, but I don't need to. You're bottling."

Asriel smiled at the accusation. "Do I look like a brewery?"

"How long have you been having the dreams?"

For the first time, Asriel frowned. "...couple of weeks. No big deal, I've had them for longer than-"

"'No big deal'? No, big deal. You haven't cracked an honest smile in days. It's eating you."

"An honest smile..." a twisted parody of one spread across his face. "Like, 'oh boy, I dreamed about the time I killed my parents for the seventh time, ain't that swell' kind of honest? Sounds pretty ruthless, if you ask me. And you're wrong, it's not eating me. I'm coping."

"So you told Mom and Dad." Asriel's frown returned. "They aren't as naive as you want them to be, they know enough to swap notes. To tell others about when they're worried. But coping can only take you so far. Are those dreams even troubling you right now?"

"I'm not letting them. I'm in control, Frisk."

"Hmm..." Frisk knocked on the door frame, and made room for a third person to enter the room.

"'sup, cap?"

Asriel's frown evolved into a scowl. "Sorry Sans, I'm not in the mood for visitors."

"sucks to hear that. luckily i'd identify myself as a house-tourist."

"I'm serious, I don't need the biggest sadsack around lecturing me about sadness."

"sadness? izzat what yer feelin'? that wouldn't be a problem, kid. i get the vibe you're tryin' not to feel anything."

Asriel's claws ripped the cover of his mattress. "You try dreaming about every bad thing you've ever done in your blink-of-an-eye lifespan and come out feeling like sunshine and rainbows."

"'k. bathroom break first, though." Sans left.

"What was the point of getting that... that... Smiley Trashbag here? To make me feel bad for not feeling bad?"

"For not feeling anything," corrected Frisk. "That's how Flowey was."

"Because I couldn't," said Asriel, not bothering to differentiate. "I have a choice now."

"You're not making a good choice. We're worried."

"Well you signed up for that when you went to those insane lengths to give me another chance." His temper was slipping away from him. "They signed up for that when they refused to even try and understand what I actually _did_ to them. You'll always get some of the flower."

The siblings stood in silence for a while. Asriel was surprised Frisk hadn't pressed any harder. These arguments were rare, but not unheard of.

"Okay," said Frisk.

"Okay what?"

"I won't push you any farther here. This isn't the place. Sorry."

Asriel smirked in triumph. "Not like you, but I'll take it."

"Good. Now I'm gonna try and sneak a slice of pie from the fridge."

And Frisk left. Winning by default was a strange feeling. But much like his irritation it soon receded. The unchanging weather was helped by an irresistible smell coming from beyond the room. In the early days of his rebirth he had sometimes forgotten to eat unless prompted, but that aroma had always broken the spell. It worked its magic tonight as well.

"Frisk?" He approached the door. "Did you get some? Can I-"

Where he had stepped out onto was not the landing of the house. He was in a dark cavern with two exits. One led into pitch blackness. The other onto a dark plateau where the clouds continued their vigil and distant lights of towns and cities could be made out. A few lamps had been set up in the cavern proper, including one currently held by Frisk as they stood next to a patch of grass, with upturned soil in the middle like a flower had once been planted there.

"This might be the place," said Frisk.

"What the-? How the hell did-?!" Asriel growled. "Sans."

"Showed me a shortcut. Early Christmas present."

"Well braaaaavo," he bleated, clapping slowly. "Three months early for April Fools, but kinda funny. Now, why?"

"If you have to ask, you really are Flowey with floppy ears."

Asriel fiddled with one of those ears. The sound of wind picked up from the exit.

"...maybe that's all I can be. It's either that or curl up into a ball on the floor again."

"I don't believe that. I don't believe you believe it. It just hurts. But avoiding can only... Can only... Ooh, c-c-can only..."

Frisk suddenly started shivering. Asriel was puzzled at first, but then realised they were still only wearing pyjamas. And where they were. And what time of year it is.

"Frisk, you'll get sick!" A flame appeared in his hand. "Let me warm you up-"

"N-No. I refuse. After all it might j-just be a friendliness p-pellet."

The wind picked up. The pinprick lights below the plateau disappeared.

"It's not, I wouldn't-"

"Flowey would."

Asriel's scowl intensified with the wind. Stray snowflakes wafted in. "Don't be such an idiot, Frisk! I'm sorry I said I was Flowey, okay? You don't have to hurt yourself."

Frisk defiantly stepped back, towards the intruding snow. "Monster magic is affected by f-feelings, isn't it? If you're t-trying not to feel, it p-probably won't work. Or you'll l-lose control and c-cook me."

Anxiety bubbled up in Asriel's chest for the first time in a week. "Frisk, please..."

"No. Y-you know what to d-do."

He did. Dammit, he did.

"Look. A couple of nights, I can handle. But it's... it's been nonstop. And it's not just I'm seeing what I'm doing then, Frisk. I feel it. I feel like I did when it happened. Those faint glimmers of amusement like it was ecstasy. That's what I'm scared of, really. I can handle guilt, Dad and I help each other every day. But if I start liking those dreams... No, you can't possibly understand."

Frisk tried to laugh, but their chattering teeth ruined the effect. "I k-know b-better than a-anyone h-how-"

"Because you killed Mom? By accident? _Once??_ Ha!" The laugh was as hollow as his first ever in front of Frisk. "I'm having these dreams for a reason. I can't just live a lie."

The wind was howling now. "It's n-not a l-lie. You w-want to be b-better."

"But can I? After all that?" Black markings began to spread across his fur as his eyes bulged. "After all the dust and lies and Chara and everything I caused Mom and Dad to do and euuu _uughrAA **AAAAAAGH!!!**_ "

A roaring noise drowned out both the bitter winds and his own scream. Flames erupted around him, enveloping him, scorching the grass he'd once been planted in.

" **ASRIEL!!!** "

The flames died as quickly as they came. The lights of the lamps looked dim now. Frisk approached their brother, crumpled on the floor, sobbing into his arm. The black markings were gone.

"...s'ry..." Frisk heard him say. "I'm so sorry, I've done too much. It still hurts. It still feels good. And that hurts. I wish I never..."

"Came back?" Adrenaline kept the shivers at bay.

"...yes... Someone had to care for..."

"For you."

His emerald eyes appeared from the crumpled pile of limbs. Two damp tracks of fur followed where the black markings had been.

"I just wanted a little peace. Flowey had peace. You know, when I wasn't hurting anyone."

"I know. And I get it that I can't get it. I haven't cured you or anything."

"...n-no, you haven't. But you'll still worry about me, h-huh. After all this time?"

Frisk held out their arm. "Always."

Asriel hesitated for a moment, then accepted the offered hand. As he did so, he let warmth flow into Frisk, and felt relief as their posture relaxed.

"Oh, that feels better," admitted Frisk. "It's really cold tonight. So, how are you feeling?"

He took a deep breath. It felt good. Breathing always did after becoming Asriel again. "Kinda miserable. But also at peace. Like I'm cleansed."

"Mission accomplished, then." Frisk smiled as they helped Asriel get to his feet. "I have to say, it's great to get some feeling back."

"Yeah," said Asriel, "I know what you mean."

Frisk started walking, gently pulling Asriel along. "There's another reason we're here, though."

"There is? What?"

He suddenly became aware of the noise wind having stopped. He offered no resistance as Frisk continued to guide him towards the Underground's exit.

"Oh, golly..."

In the brief and furious storm that accompanied Asriel's collapse and reconstruction, the clouds had acted on their long-held threat. Fresh snow blanketed the countryside as far as the eye could see. It practically radiated a warm dark blue, punctuated by the restored lights of homes and buildings. But that was the least interesting part of the vista. In discharging the entirety of their own existance the clouds had broken up, revealing a brilliant full moon and more stars than one could count in a lifetime. Even a lifetime as subjectively long as his. Once Asriel noticed, he couldn't stop looking up.

"Alphys calculated this would happen," said Frisk, "so I figured you'd want a good view for it. This was the only place I could think of on short notice."

Tears now resumed their flow down Asriel's face, but there were no sniffles or sobs. Just a simple and earnest smile. "It's beautiful. Good thing you didn't lead with this, I'd probably call it trite or something."

"Trite works, sometimes. You just gotta know when."

"Yeah." He took another cleansing breath. "Thanks, Frisk. For everything. And Merry Christmas."

Frisk rubbed their own eyes free of tears. "Merry Christmas."

Asriel's ears flopped lightly in the mountain breeze. "Can we stay a while? I don't want to let go..."

"Of course. Remember, I know a shortcut back. And Sans will make sure Mom and Dad don't worry. Oh, and please don't let go, it's really cold right now."

"Hee hee hee!"

The two children continued charting the heavens with their eyes alone, hands held to act as a protective ward against the light air currents their altitude inevitably provided. Both faces were wet as the Smiles and Tears put a capstone on the cleansing which had been vital to the very ability to live, rather than just exist. The path to this point had never been an easy road, especially recently, and dealing with it may have taken the rest of their lives, but withdrawing from life could never be the answer. For times like this, they were willing to stick together and bear it, and let those who cared about them bear it with them and for them.

They were determined.

**Author's Note:**

> Original Suggestion: Post-pacifist Frisk trying to bring Christmas cheer to a depressed and traumatized Asriel.
> 
> Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading!


End file.
